Panic keeping me from seeing my mom at the emergency room.

I should be at the ER right now. My mom got taken in tonight. There were lots of ambulances, and she had to go.  I feel like I should be there. I can’t believe that I am so…. so messed up that I can’t go to my mom when she’s in the hospital.

I don’t know what to do.

Everyone that is normally around me is at the hospital with her.

I’m still not sure what’s wrong with her.

She keeps sending me really illegible texts, but the gist of them is asking if I am coming.

I want to go.

I really do.

I want to be there.

But I’m afraid that if I go, I’ll just end up panicking (probably before I even get there after driving a few blocks away from the house), that I’ll just be a bigger source of stress.

Or I’ll need to be checked in from freaking out so much, from the panic and terror.

Not to mention the ER was the place that initially set off my months of being unable to walk out the front door. It was the event that sort of put all of this in motion (it was bad before, but not this crippling).

I’m terrified of the ER. I’m terrified of everything.

And so I can’t be there for my mom.

I really love her.

I hope she’s okay.

I wish I was there with her so she could know how much I love her.

Thank you for reading ❤ Artemis

This is a song that my mom loves very much. She’s taken me to see The Psychadelic Furs quite a few times. Among many other 80’s new wave bands. The last show we went to before Patti Smith was Simple Minds in Hollywood early last year.

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