I have no idea how my love life is so complicated.
Seriously. I never leave the house.
I keep dating people that I knew ten years ago. They keep coming into my life, and it’s crazy.
And they always have issues that rival mine.
Still dealing with the borderline personality disorder that I dumped 6+ months ago. Seriously – what the hell is up with this? I broke up with him over six months ago and I’m still getting harassed on a near daily basis. He particularly enjoys finding all of my insecurities and throwing them in my face, trying to manipulate me into letting him come over, and when I say no, going off on hour long tangents about how fucked up I am.
Then there’s the guy I’ve been seeing lately who I’ve known for like 14 years. And he still looks like he wants to be Sid Vicious. Why do I find that so attractive? I have a weakness for tall dark haired boys in leather jackets and skinny jeans. And why do they always have to be ex-junkies? Why? Why do they always have to be so damned tortured? But it’s nice staying up all night with someone while they recite Shakespeare to you between swing dancing to Nick Cave songs and odd Johnny Thunders and Cramps songs. And he has successfully gotten me out of the house on multiple occasions now. Three grocery store trips! This is like, a six month record for me.
I feel like I just let things happen, as opposed to actually making decisions and taking charge of my life. But most of the time I don’t even know what I want. I feel totally lost, and I am trying so hard to hang on. I feel like I’m fighting to exist. I have no idea. Thanks for listening.